


the kind of anaesthetic (for the journey)

by championadonis



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hades A+ Parenting, Internalized Transphobia, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27416974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/championadonis/pseuds/championadonis
Summary: it takes awhile, to come to terms with things.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 79





	the kind of anaesthetic (for the journey)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm trans and uhhh i wanted to write trans zag!
> 
> title from "fool" by villagers

He's young when he first realizes his body isn't….. well, it’s his body but it's not what it  _ should  _ look like.

It's like a switch was flipped and he goes ‘Oh.’ because he's a boy. Always has been but now he realizes it. At first, he's okay with it, he's growing. So what if he doesn't have a manhood like the other boys? What if he's called ‘princess’ and ‘lass’? He's still a boy.

It's only when he gets older and his body changes that it starts to bother him.

He starts to grow breasts, small things that don't look right on him. His nipples are a soft pink, his skin smooth and creamy and it's  _ not right. _ He then gets what Nyx called ‘a Mortal dilemma’, whereas he bled for a week every month. He was starting to be treated differently, was treated like… like a  _ woman _ and not like the man he was.

It frustrated him to no end, the breasts and the bleeding and how everyone called him  _ princess. _ He was a prince, thank you. He wasn't… Zeva, his name was Zagreus. 

It goes on like this, his resentment towards his body growing steadily day by day until Achilles, his teacher, his mentor, says that he's “too pretty to be fighting like a boy”. His blood boils, his feet burn brighter and he snarls that he IS a boy, he deserves to fight with the others. It startles Achilles enough that when he leaves with scorch marks behind him, he isn't followed.

* * *

He goes to his chambers and cuts his hair, short. The long strands fall down around him and he...looks like a boy now, breasts and cunt notwithstanding. He still wallows in his disgust at his body for what feels like forever, crying angry tears. It's only with Nyx’s gentle knocking does he hastily scrub at his face, trying desperately to remove any tears left over.

“Oh, what is wrong my child?” Nyx says in that gentle, gentle voice of hers, the one she uses when any of her children are upset. He feels stupid now, small and weak that the Night herself feels the need to coddle him. He's quiet but Nyx is patient, waiting on him to finally say, in a voice so small and meek Nyx herself grows worried until her sweet child speaks, “....I'm a boy. Why can't I be a boy?”

He cries, big fat tears rolling down her-  _ his  _ cheeks, fear and sadness rolling off him in waves. “Are you now?” She says softly, “And what is my prince’s name?” He looks up, startled and wary. “It's… Zagreus.”

“What a lovely name for my sweet prince. Let's get you cleaned up, hmm?”

* * *

It's Nyx who helps him figure out how to ask the -rarely used- House physician to help him change his body. His father doesn't know anything yet and Nyx can tell poor Zagreus is afraid to speak to him, the idea of being disappointing to his father a great burden upo his shoulders. The House physician is kind, gently shops Nyx out of the room so that she can talk to Zagreus alone.

It takes awhile but Zagreus comes out smiling, his chest bandaged. “Would you like to tell me what happened?” She asks quietly, least a shade or two overhear and goes running to Hades. “She, uh, did something and now I no longer have breasts and I feel…..” He sighs, dreamily almost, “I feel like a boy.”

Nyx makes him talk to Achilles, makes him talk about how he's actually a boy and can you call me Zagreus? and Achilles, that wonderful man, starts to call him lad and helps him train to catch up with the rest of the boys. Nyx hasn't seen Zagreus this happy in  _ months.  _ Or what consists of months in an eternal realm.

It's only when Hades gets involved that everything turns slightly sour.

* * *

Zagreus is crying again, something he hasn't done in forever. He's crying and crying and the rejection his father had expressed hurt. Nyx watched from the sidelines, thinking of her next words very carefully. It was only later that night did she approach the master of the House.

“Hades, perhaps you should talk to him,” is all Nyx can get out before Hades turns too look at her with anger in his eyes. “Oh? Who do you speak of, I don't have a son. I happen to have a daughter that has mutilated her body.”

Nyx glances at him, the barely concealed rage prevalent in the air. “You have a son. His name is Zagreus. This is the happiest he's been in months. It's important to actually  _ care about your child's wellbeing, Hades. _ Just because he decided on what he wishes to look like and he doesn't change that fact.”

* * *

Zagreus looks at the dress his father expects to see him in the next morning, flowing and beautiful. It's ill fitting on him, his chest broad and developing muscles obscene. He doesn't have the breasts to fill out the dress, so it falls limp and looks off. He looks like a mockery of what he is, some foolish tomyboy playing dress up.

Although he knew his father would be…… displeased, seeing his only child in a way that wasn't what he expected, calling him the wrong name and expressing  _ shame _ at what he looked like now rekindles feelings he thought he long put away. The unfortunate feeling of disgust at his body rears itself, reminding him that he really isn't what he says he is. Boys don't have a cunt between their legs nor did any of them go to the House physician to remove their breasts.

* * *

When he emerges from his room, quiet and sullen, the House's mood shifts. He doesn't mean to bring gloom to wherever he goes but it seems like his anguish is felt throughout every room in the House. Even Cerberus picks up on it, heads drooping and a whine starting in the back of his throat.

It must get on his father's nerves enough that he calls him into a side room, fixes him with a look and states “Go change. That's unsightly for a boy.”

It takes forever for his father to accept him as he is but eventually he stops calling him ‘Zeva’ and starts calling his ‘Zagreus’. Progress is progress so he'll take what he can get.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i may or may not have a nsfw hades server if anyone wants the link 👀


End file.
